Recognising The Miracle Of You

The American motivational coach, Mel Robbins, often talks in her speeches about what a miracle we are. That scientists have crunched the data and determined that being born on our birthdate, at our birth time, in our birthplace, and to our parents, is a 400 trillion to one shot. Every single one of us is, quite simply, unique.

So why don’t we value ourselves more highly? Why do we feel ordinary? Or worse, why do we actively suppress our talents and gifts?

In part because we don’t understand that we are unique. As Robbins says, there will never be another you. In the abstract we all sort of know that. But how many of us truly understand that statement? It does not just factor in genetics and birth details. ‘You’ are about so much more than your physical state. How you think, how you feel, how you experience and interact with the world, for instance. All these factors are hugely important in defining yourself and creating the conditions for your unique combination of gifts to evolve.

But we say, ‘Oh, that’s just me.’

Yes, it is just you. And there is no-one else on earth like you.

How about your talents? You may be great at decorating cakes, you may be fantastic at drawing, a demon at removing rust from garden furniture, you may even understand string theory. And guess what, many people on the planet can’t do any of those things (although they will have other valuable gifts to share). But many of us, when our talents and uniqueness are identified, will immediately start to squash ourselves into the Ordinary Box.

‘Oh, it was nothing special.’

‘But everyone can do that!’

‘It’s nothing.’

No. It’s something. It’s you demonstrating what makes you you.

So, why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we so afraid for the world to acknowledge we are a one-off? Why do we diminish ourselves in our closest relationships? Why do we play small?

Ultimately because we are afraid to be seen for who we truly are. So we choose to face the world wearing a mask of ordinariness.

Many of us, from an early age, learned that is was not safe to stand out, to be precocious, to face the world with the fearlessness of a small child.

Were you ever asked ‘Who do you think you are'? Did anyone ever say to you, ‘Nobody cares what you think. Be quiet'? Or how about ‘Stop being a show-off. You’re embarrassing yourself'? Or the most insidious one of all, 'Stop being a show-off. You're embarrassing ME'? Familiar?

This stuff sticks when you’re a kid. You learn that you are not as important as other people, that your thoughts are unwanted and you articulating them is even more unwanted, and the gifts you have should be viewed as something to be ashamed of.

This is deeply toxic stuff and many of us carry it around all our lives, never fulfilling our potential, trying new things or expressing ourselves. We tell ourselves, ‘Stay small. It’s safer that way. No-one will be angry if I’m nothing'.

The obvious problem with that is that you’re not nothing. You are very much something. And something that the world has never experienced before and will never experience again.

So how can we begin to safely explore our uniqueness in a way that doesn’t feel frightening?

This is hard stuff, because we may be challenging the very notion of who we think we are. But I challenge you to start by writing a list of five things that you can do that no-one else in your immediate circle of friends and family is able to do. If you’re anything like me your internal critic will be kicking and screaming at the prospect of doing that. But do it anyway. It’s just between you and you. You don’t have to show anyone, or even tell anyone you’re doing it. And it doesn’t matter if you think your unique skill is a tiny thing – that’s the whole point. All those ‘tiny things' that you don’t think are very much add up to a whole big bundle of skills and talents wrapped up as you. And when you’ve written down five, write down five more. I promise you’ll surprise yourself at what you come up with.

When your list is complete, make a promise to your skills and talents (and yourself). Promise that you will never again diminish or rubbish your gifts as ’nothing’ or ‘small’. Seriously. Everything you can do is valuable. Do not take your talents and chuck them in the bin because you are afraid of how others will react to seeing them at full power.

And remember, if you do bash up against resistance because you are showing the world who you truly are (spoiler: you will), you don’t have to react to it. You get to choose your response and can choose to stand by your authentic self. You don’t need to defend yourself. All you need to say is ‘This is who I am.’ And the thing is, many people in your life will have decided who you are a very long time ago, and yes, will find difficulty in understanding a new version of you that they don’t recognise. You actually already know this, consciously or subconsciously, because you have been trying to squash yourself into other people’s idea of who you are your whole life. Almost all of us do. But, and this is really important, the people who are truly valuable and matter in our lives, that we can rely on? Those people will stick around as we grow and explore our potential. They will encourage and support us. And for those who cannot accept your desire, indeed need, for self-expression and growth, perhaps you might consider whether they are the right people to be in your life and whether it would be the worst thing in the world to let them go?

I will leave you with this thought from the 4th Century Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism, Lao Tzu:

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner

Now go and write your list.